I find a parallel in the way my thoughts float and my inability to be organized in a traditional sense.
I’m hard on myself when it comes to writing…trying to fit myself in to a cookie cutter approach of what this blog should be like. The same is true for my business approach. I tell myself that I need a list. I want to be traditionally organized with my MSSoftServe and my other professional career goals, to be categorized and arranged just so. I tell myself it is the key to being…to feeling less overwhelmed.
If only my goals were compartmentalized – lists that I can then cross off – I could sleep at night if everything I need to do on a stable unwavering list. Yet something prevents me from doing that. My inside voice keeps chanting: Do this… make a list. Keep all of your ideas in this one little book, or this one file. This new way will make everything simple. Yet something blocks me from the brilliant solution I’ve just designed. My process can’t be squeezed into structure. Why can’t I just get back to the flow?
Flow – the passage of time that occurs when the process pulls me along without temporal thoughts. I’m writing and I’m not paying attention to the specifics of the keyboard or what my next sentence will be. No need to edit –that will happen between stops while my brain is deliriously protected from itself.
As I get off the train into the cold night air the papers of my mind become stacked and land in my hand, the one not holding my stick, and I hear the content without reading. Telling me, in a certain voice just what I need to write about. It’s always been there and by letting it float on its own time, I will just have to write it down. The inner talking, the telling, the reading…Embrace it. My way, my flow, my unclogged brain and I impatiently remind myself, Just hit submit already!