It’s been a while since my last post. Losing my best friend Linda has put me in a different space. I’ve been writing for Health Central’s MS site and that has distracted me from the more intimate posts that rest here… taking me away from my innermost thoughts. But I had a dream and I want to share how it felt.
I woke up this morning knowing I had a dream about Linda. Not because I remembered any details, more the feeling that I had to be reminded she is gone. Like for a second I could hop up and call her to say it had been too long since our last conversation.
And interestingly, I found a new and different kind of sadness as I fell into the day. One that can be concurrent with feeling happy and positive. It’s a glimpse of how it will be… because while I know I’m nowhere near that place… and some days will be harder than others… I have sight of what it will feel like when some days become most days.
If you are interested in my Health Central postings, follow this link. This is the first in a column about living with MS and parenting. It’s called MS aParent.
amy, i’m so sorry. i can’t even begin to imagine your pain and loss. i live in fear of losing my best friend; i don’t know what i would do. i think you might know what i mean when i say i’ve felt kinda “protected” having MS. i’ve thought, “god wouldn’t throw two bad curve balls at one person while sparing others completely, would he?” but, realistically, i know better. i’ve been dealing with the MonSter for 15 years and couldn’t do it without my friends… even though we don’t live too close, their support buoys me like nothing else could. it will continue to get easier, but it will never be easy. i’m always around if you need an ear, farther removed than your friends/family…
Hi Michelle, I just reread your lovely comment, surprised I hadn’t responded to it. I appreciate your message and heartfelt words of support. I still don’t know how I’m coping… i feel deep pain everyday.. just moments ago I cried out to my husband wondering how and if I will figure out how to deal with her absence. Everything reminds me of her. I want her back. Sigh. Anyway. Thanks for reaching out. I truly appreciate it Michelle.
I hope you are well.
(and p.s.- let me know if you are notified about this response to your comment, thnk)
hi! yep, i got it by e-mail. and please don’t apologize! b/w MS cognitive issues, grief and daily living, i never expected a response! keep pressin’ on! i’m following your trials and tribulations on FB. i haven’t yet been able to decide which is worse, my secondary progressive or your relapsing remitting. i don’t think there’s any answer; they both SUCK in their own special ways….! 🙂