Life– a work in progress

So here I am, 1.5 years after finishing my Master’s Degree working hard to get MS SoftServe produced and made available to the people that can use it- myself included.  I’m working my day job at NYU Film and TV, surrounded by inspiring individuals who are supportive and motivating. I come home to my husband who is both those things, as well as my daughter who is a magical person.

Madeline amazes me in how she takes life by the horns and simultaneously needs so much. It’s what raising a child seems to be all about. The give, the give, the take, the take, the take. On some days I feel that the life force is sucked out of me, and on others I feel like I just want to write down everything she says so that I never forget it.

One such moment occurred last week. Madeline has started ice-skating.  And like everything she tries, she starts out with a verve that is unstoppable.  She took to the ice quickly and in no time was circling the rink in a jerky stops and starts. Never quitting. We stood amazed.  Keith, being from Florida, isn’t interested in getting out on the ice and falling and standing and falling and standing.  I, of course have the more detailed explanation of why I’m not trying.

Standing on the side with my collapsable walking stick, I remember the times I went ice skating as a kid. Not a pro by any means… but I used to enjoy finding my own rhythm and even-paced speed. Decent enough to get by. I’m not comfortable being on the sidelines here. It feels like I should be out there with her. That pull doesn’t usually happen because Keith is always there. He is athletic and I never was. He plays with her in an energized way and coaches her through wide array of sport activities. I have no problem stepping to the sideline for that. But ice skating is my childhood. I should be able to show her how to do it. The two of us are on the sidelines watching in what felt like a useless position for parents to be stuck in.  If she needed help out there… we had no access to her.  Our friends jumped in there…offering a steady hand when she started to fall.  I kept my spirits up and remained enthusiastic for her accomplishments on the ice. It was her first time and she did great. We were really quite amazed.

That night we were having difficulty getting her to sleep. She was so psyched up about this new activity.  So I was plugging thoughts in to her brain like I do every night.  “Why don’t you dream about…. being a champion ice skater?”  She said  “mmhhmmm”.  “But one more thing mommy. I also want to be a doctor with a magic wand who cures everyone with MS, and then you could go skating with me mommy.”

It’s those moments…..

I bite my lip and squeeze my daughter and thank whatever force of life exists that controls the crazy ride we are all on.

(and then I start typing.)

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